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Get What You Need
More Often

Life is Not Easy!
Get Your Own Way More,
and Life Gets a Bit Easier. 

Life can be tougher, or Easier. What if we've got some choice in the matter? If we do have a choice, and we're using our brain, which will we choose? Logically, unless we are stiff necked and stubborn, we'd choose the easier path,

I have now had major success with this many times. The first few times there was no planning done on my part. The strategy, which worked so well, just happened to unfold. This is how it works.
One main key to success, is to realize ahead of time that there is something you want from another person that you are going to ask them for. The second key is to stay relaxed, as if you didn't really care too much and a third is to start connecting to the other person by finding something the two of you have in common. If you're on the phone to someone in Toronto, Montreal or Michigan, ask them about their city or their weather. Over simple mundane topics but also stress free topics that will often get them started talking.

For years, for us as working people, money was always a bit tight. Car payments, mortgage payments, kids shoes, etcetera. In recent years there is less personal financial strain. As a result when I get into discussion over a financial matter I am far less dependent on the result but I still want to succeed. Because there is less pressure, I take a more relaxed approach and the other party also relaxes.

For example, we had a stainless steel Black and Decker kettle that quit working. The warranty was long expired. I called Black and Decker and got into a lengthy discussion with a service rep over how to get a replacement part. He said the part wasn't available. He also said we'd had it too long for a warranty. We talked on about excessive use of landfills, which is where the kettle was going. After awhile, out of the blue he said, "you know, I'm going to replace your kettle under warranty." And he did. We'd had a good conversation on the phone. Maybe it was the first time that day he hadn't had someone yelling at or pressuring him.

After having this type of success quite a numbr of times, I decided to adopt it as a strategy: I put it to use with deliberate success. Easier said than done. It was difficult: I had to really work hard at being relaxed. Relaxed here means putting no pressure on myself or on the other party to do anything, but still moving the conversataion in a specific direction. The more you want what you are asking for the more difficult this is.Often it means finding something you have in common with the other person. Getting to know the person a bit and finding something in common can make a huge difference. You can do all this in a five minute phone call!

When this really gets put to the test is when you have a big stake in the outcome. For example, if you're asking your boss for a raise. If you expect this to be a challenging conversation, try to think of it in terms of planting a seed. Seeds take a while to grow. Keep in mind that his decision to give you the raise or not may be based on how well this and other conversations go. Impress him so he wants to keep you around. Stay relaxed and as much as pssible, find that thing you have in common with him. Since it's your boss, avoid getting personal: What you have immediately in common with him is the success of your business, which is also his business. Work from this point of view.

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